The Healing Power of Presence: Why Viewing a Loved One Matters

In the quiet moments following a loss, families are often faced with a difficult question: "Do we want to have a viewing?" At Burke and Douglas Funerals, we understand that this is a deeply personal decision. However, we often turn to the wisdom of Dr Alan Wolfelt, a world-renowned grief counsellor and author, to help families understand why this practice is more than just a tradition—it is a vital stepping stone on the path to healing.

Moving from "Head Knowledge" to "Heart Knowledge"

Dr Wolfelt often speaks about the difference between knowing someone has died and feeling it. When we are told a loved one has passed, our brains often retreat into a state of shock or denial as a survival mechanism. Viewing the deceased helps bridge the gap between the mind and the heart. This allows for a shift from a relationship of presence to one of memory.

The Benefits of Saying Goodbye

According to Wolfelt’s "Tenets of Companioning," grief is not something to be "fixed" or "moved past," but something to be experienced. A viewing provides a structured, safe space to begin that experience. It is an opportunity for a final act of love—a kiss on the forehead, a whispered thank you, or placing a memento in the casket. These physical actions are powerful rituals that honour the bond you shared.

Gathering Community Support

Wolfelt emphasizes that "grief shared is grief diminished." A viewing allows friends and extended family to gather, offering their presence as a "holding environment" for your pain. It’s a time for the community to acknowledge that a life was lived and a loss has occurred.

Addressing the Fear of "The Last Memory"

A common concern we hear at Burke and Douglas is: "I want to remember them as they were, not like this." While this sentiment comes from a place of love, Wolfelt suggests that the "last memory" of a viewing rarely replaces a lifetime of happy memories. Instead, it serves as a punctuation mark at the end of a long story. It provides a sense of closure that prevents the imagination from creating more distressing mental images of what the death might have looked like.

We Are Here to Support You

At Burke and Douglas Funerals, our role is to "companion" you through these choices. Whether you prefer a private family viewing or a formal visitation, we ensure your loved one is presented with the utmost dignity, creating a peaceful environment for your final goodbye.