When a family loss falls during the school holidays, parents face a quiet and tender challenge - how to help children understand grief while the world outside feels bright and full of life.

Spring in Tamworth and the New England region carries its own kind of energy. The days are warming, the jacarandas are starting to colour the streets, and children who have just broken free from the school term are full of noise and movement. When grief arrives in the middle of all that - when a grandparent passes, or a beloved family member is suddenly gone - the contrast can feel almost cruel. The world keeps going, the neighbours are mowing their lawns in the 26°C afternoon heat, and somewhere inside your home, your family is trying to find the words.

Children feel that contrast too, even if they cannot name it. A six-year-old might ask to go to the park on the same morning you are making funeral arrangements. A twelve-year-old might laugh at something on their phone and then feel immediate, confusing guilt. These are not signs that children are coping poorly. They are signs that children are human, and that grief does not arrive in one clean wave. It moves in and out, sitting alongside ordinary life in ways that can surprise even the adults in the room.

The most important thing you can offer a child in the early days of a loss is honesty wrapped in calm. Young children, roughly three to six years of age, understand more than we often expect, but they need simple and direct language. Saying someone has "passed away" or "gone to sleep" can create real fear around sleep or travel. Instead, words like "died" and "their body stopped working" give children something concrete to hold. You do not need all the answers. Saying "I don't know exactly what happens, but I know we loved them very much and we are sad they are gone" is enough. It is more than enough.

For children aged seven to twelve, the questions get bigger and the emotions more layered. They may worry about other people they love dying. They may ask practical, almost startling questions about what happens to a body, or whether it hurts. Answer what you can, gently and honestly, and do not be afraid to say "that is a really good question and I am not sure." Teenagers, meanwhile, often grieve in private. They may seem detached or irritable. Giving them space while making it quietly clear that you are available, without pressure, is usually the most useful thing a parent can do.

On the question of whether children should attend a funeral or memorial service, the broad guidance from grief counsellors and child psychologists is that inclusion, when the child is prepared and willing, is almost always beneficial. Being part of a farewell helps children understand that the loss is real, and it gives them a role in something meaningful. Excluding children to protect them can sometimes leave them with more questions and a sense of being shut out of something important. Before the service, explain what will happen in plain terms. Tell them people may cry, including you. Tell them it is okay to feel sad, or confused, or even okay, all at once. Give them a small role if possible, whether that is placing a flower, holding a programme, or simply sitting close to someone they trust.

What To Do Next

If you are currently supporting children through a family loss here in the Tamworth and New England area, there are some gentle, practical steps that can make the days ahead a little easier for everyone.

Start by creating a quiet, low-pressure space for conversation. This does not need to be a formal sit-down talk. Some of the most honest conversations between parents and children happen in the car, on a walk along the Peel River, or while making dinner together. Let the child lead when they are ready, and let silence be okay when they are not.

Keep routines where you can. During school holidays this is less structured, but small consistencies matter, things like regular mealtimes, familiar bedtime rituals, and reassurance that the people they rely on are still there. Grief can make the world feel unstable, and routine is a quiet way of saying that some things stay the same.

Watch for changes in behaviour over the following weeks. Disrupted sleep, clinginess, withdrawal, or regression to younger behaviours are all common grief responses in children. Most will ease with time and support. If you notice these continuing beyond four to six weeks, or if a child seems unable to engage with daily life, speaking to your family GP or a child counsellor is a sensible and caring next step. There is no threshold of grief that has to be reached before asking for support.

If the child has questions about the funeral or the service, encourage them to ask. Talk through what a funeral involves, what the chapel or venue will look and feel like, how long it will last, and who will be there. When children know what to expect, the experience is far less overwhelming.

At Burke and Douglas, we understand that funerals are not just for adults. We are experienced in helping families here in Tamworth think through how to include younger family members in a way that feels right for them. If you would like to talk through your options, or simply need some quiet guidance during a difficult time, please do not hesitate to reach out to our team. We are here to help your whole family through this, at whatever pace feels right.

At Burke & Douglas we're here to support you.