Writing a eulogy can feel like an enormous task. This warm, practical guide will help you find the words to honour someone special - no writing experience needed.

Being asked to deliver a eulogy is one of the most meaningful things someone can do for another person. It is also, for many of us, one of the most daunting. You might find yourself staring at a blank page, wondering how on earth you could possibly capture an entire life, an entire relationship, in just a few minutes. If that sounds familiar, please know that you are not alone. Almost everyone who has ever stood at a lectern and spoken about someone they loved has felt exactly the same way before they began.

The truth is, you do not need to be a skilled writer or a confident public speaker to deliver a eulogy that is genuinely moving. What you need is honesty, a little structure, and the courage to speak from the heart. A eulogy does not have to be polished or perfect. It simply has to be real. The people in that room are not there to judge your grammar or your delivery. They are there because they are grieving too, and they are hoping that someone will say something that helps them feel a little less alone in that grief. You can be that person.

Start by giving yourself permission to gather your thoughts without pressure. Sit somewhere quiet and jot down whatever comes to mind about the person you are remembering. Do not try to write the eulogy itself at this stage. Instead, think of it as collecting. Write down their habits, their sayings, their laugh. Think about the small, specific moments that made them who they were. A shared joke. The way they made tea. The advice they gave you that you still carry. These details are often far more powerful than grand statements about character, because they give listeners something concrete to hold onto. Once you have a collection of memories in front of you, look for a thread running through them. This is your central theme. Perhaps your person was someone who always made others feel welcome. Perhaps they had extraordinary resilience, or a gift for finding humour in difficult moments. A simple, honest theme gives your eulogy shape and direction, and it helps your audience understand who this person truly was. From there, structure your eulogy in three loose parts. Open by introducing yourself and your relationship to the person. Move into the body of the eulogy, where you share two or three meaningful stories or memories built around your theme. Then close with something that honours both the grief in the room and the gratitude people feel for having known this person. Aim for somewhere between five and eight minutes when spoken aloud. That is usually enough time to say something meaningful without exhausting yourself or your listeners. If emotion overtakes you mid-way through, that is completely natural. Pause, take a breath, and continue when you are ready. No one in that room will think less of you for it.

What To Do Next

If you have been asked to deliver a eulogy and you are not sure where to begin, start today, even if the service is still some days away. The earlier you begin gathering your thoughts, the more settled you will feel when the day arrives.

Here are some simple steps to help you move forward.

Talk to other people who knew the deceased. Family members, old friends, workmates and neighbours often hold memories you have never heard before. A quick phone call or message asking people to share a favourite story or a quality they admired can give you a wealth of material to draw from. You might even find that something someone else shares becomes the heart of your eulogy.

Write in your own voice. One of the most common mistakes people make when writing a eulogy is trying to sound more formal than they normally would. If you would not use a particular word in conversation, do not use it in your eulogy. Speak the way you naturally speak. Authenticity is always more comforting than eloquence.

Practise reading your eulogy aloud. This is important for two reasons. First, it helps you get a feel for the timing and flow of what you have written. Second, it gives you the chance to identify any sections that feel uncomfortable or difficult to read, so you can prepare yourself emotionally before the day.

Bring a printed copy and a backup. Nerves can make even familiar words difficult to recall, so always read from a printed page rather than relying on memory. If you can, give a copy to a trusted person in the room who can step in and continue reading if you need a moment to compose yourself.

Remember that a eulogy does not have to cover everything. You are not writing a biography. You are sharing a portrait, a small but meaningful glimpse of a person's life and what they meant to those around them. Choosing two or three things and doing them well will always be more powerful than trying to cover every decade and every achievement.

At Burke and Douglas Funeral Directors, we understand how much care goes into every part of saying goodbye. Our team in Tamworth is here to support you through every detail of the farewell, including guidance on the order of service, music, and readings. If you would like to talk through any aspect of the funeral arrangements, or simply need some reassurance as you prepare to speak, please reach out to us. We are here to help, and we consider it a privilege to walk alongside families during these tender times.

At Burke & Douglas we're here to support you.