Being asked to deliver a eulogy is an honour, even when it arrives with little notice and for someone you knew only at a distance. Here is how to do it well.

Spring in regional New South Wales tends to bring people together in ways that are both joyful and tender. Weddings, community gatherings, and, yes, memorial services all seem to cluster in the warmer months, and with them comes a quiet but common experience: someone reaches out and asks if you would be willing to say a few words. It might be a colleague from work, a neighbour from down the street, or a relative you only saw at Christmas. You say yes before you fully realise what you have agreed to, and then the weight of it settles in. That feeling is entirely normal, and it does not mean you are the wrong person for the task.

The truth is that eulogies are not reserved for those who were closest. Sometimes a little distance gives you a perspective that others, still raw with grief, simply cannot find. What matters most is that you approach the task with sincerity and care, and that you let the people who loved this person most help you find the words. Start by reaching out to family members, close friends, or long-time colleagues. Ask them one or two simple questions: what made this person laugh, what were they proud of, what would they want people to remember? You will be surprised how quickly the stories come, and how much warmth is waiting to be shared.

Once you have gathered a handful of stories and impressions, the structure of a eulogy becomes much less daunting. A few minutes is all most services call for, and that is genuinely enough time to paint a meaningful picture of a life. Begin with a brief acknowledgement of your connection to the person and why you have been asked to speak. This honesty sets a genuine tone from the first sentence and immediately puts the room at ease. From there, let two or three of the stories you gathered carry the weight. Choose ones that reveal character rather than achievement, because people are remembered most warmly for how they made others feel, not for their titles or accolades.

Try to find at least one moment of warmth or lightness in what you share. Grief is heavy, and a well-placed memory that draws a gentle smile from the room is not disrespectful; it is a gift. Close by returning to something simple and true, perhaps one quality you observed yourself, or a sentiment shared by the family that they would like carried forward. You do not need to have known someone for decades to offer that kind of grace.

When it comes to delivery, reading from notes is completely acceptable and widely expected. Prepare your words on a single printed page in a font size you can read comfortably, around 16 points or larger, so nerves do not make the text swim before your eyes. Practise aloud at least twice before the day, not to memorise it, but so the rhythm of the words becomes familiar. On the day itself, speak slowly. Grief naturally quickens the breath, and a conscious effort to pace yourself will help both you and the room. If emotion catches you, pause, take a breath, and continue. Nobody in that room will judge you for feeling it.

What To Do Next

If you have been asked to speak at a service and are not sure where to begin, the steps below can help you move from feeling overwhelmed to feeling prepared.

Make contact early. Reach out to the family or the person who asked you as soon as you can. Let them know you are honoured to help and ask if there is a time you can speak with someone who was close to the person who has passed. This one conversation will give you more material than you expect.

Ask the right questions. When you speak with family or friends, keep your questions open and simple. Ask what the person loved doing, what made them who they were, and whether there is a particular memory they hope others will carry. Listen more than you talk, and take notes as they speak.

Write before you edit. Get everything down first without worrying about how it sounds. A rough draft that captures real feeling is far more valuable than a polished script that says nothing in particular. Once the words are on the page, you can shape and trim them.

Time yourself. A eulogy that runs between three and five minutes is usually just right for a service. Read your draft aloud with a timer and adjust from there. If it is too long, look for anything that repeats an idea already expressed elsewhere.

Be kind to yourself on the day. You were asked because someone trusted you. That trust is meaningful, and it is enough. You do not need to be a professional speaker or a poet. You need only to be honest, warm, and present, and that is already within your reach.

At Burke and Douglas, we understand that the days leading up to a memorial service can feel uncertain and full. If you or your family have questions about how a service is structured, what to expect on the day, or simply need someone to talk through the details with, we are always here to help. We serve families throughout Tamworth and the New England region, and we consider it a privilege to walk alongside you through one of life's most tender moments. Please do not hesitate to reach out to our team at any time.

At Burke & Douglas we're here to support you.